MY BLOG
I AM NOT OK – and that’s OKAY!
By Sharon Orapeleng
13 August 2021
Earlier this week I logged on to my online meeting while working from home and I was immediately immersed within a group conversation about the COVID-19 situation unfolding across Australia. Here at least in Brisbane; we had just come out of a snap lockdown to contain the Delta variant in the community; and were about to return to ‘normality’ – whatever that meant in these Covid times.
The talk about Covid19 has become such a normal conversation starter at meetings and workplaces – replacing the usual mundane weather conversation. It has now become de rigueur to check in about case numbers, restrictions or lock down measures – masks, yes masks and ooh, how we all hate to wear masks etc.
Now as I sat there listening to the ongoing conversation and waiting for an appropriate pause to say ‘Hello, sorry I am late’ (even though it was simply 2 minutes past the scheduled time) I heard ‘Hi Sharon, how are you? – we were just talking about the Covid-19 situation’
I paused and immediately felt as if I was trying to catch my breath, I could feel it escaping me. I knew instinctively I was going to experience a spiral emotional downer. Yes, I was triggered; here in a work meeting with external stakeholders; I was breaking down – tears and all.
You see I woke up that ‘normal’ Brisbane morning like everyone else, but as I checked my phone - a WhatsApp message had come in through the night simply saying ‘Rrangwane Magare is no more’. Five words that shattered my heart. The last few weeks these words announcing that a person I knew was ‘no more’ had become so normal, so expected, so everyday just like the conversation about Covid19 at almost every meeting I attended.
As I began to rumble on about the devastating impact of Covid-19 in my home country Botswana (currently experiencing the highest surge of the delta variant in the world resulting in unimaginable loss of life) I felt that I wanted - I needed - to explain, to tell Botswana’s story, to justify the reason why the tears kept on falling!
I had just been told (yet again) this week, someone I cared about had died; having not long before that, watched (yet another) online funeral of another person I knew who also died of Covid19 complications. This is now over 10 people who I know closely who have passed on in the last three weeks. These are people I grew up with, the people I lived, loved and played with. As I tried to reconcile the obvious contradiction; that here we were living in an environment that was ‘going back to normal’; whilst simultaneously knowing my country of birth was on its knees. Talk around the issue of Covid may be a normal conversation, but these are by no means ‘normal’ times.
These last few weeks my mental, spiritual and physical health has threatened to abandon me – to simply spiral down into some dark abyss so familiar; as I have experienced before, I am now holding on to the smallest thread of hope that still exists and praying it does not completely abandon me.
I am telling you that – I. AM. NOT. OK. I am struggling and I am doing utmost everything in my power to process what is going on around me. The loss. The grief. The anxiety.
A few months ago, I developed a program about Sisterhood Circle focusing on Self-Care to explore the Self- Essentials – Ingredients for Self-Care. This was to be a six-month sisterhood circle journey created to reconnect, restore and re-frame (3 Rs) through monthly zoom sessions and face to face sessions. An educational and self-empowerment group focusing on ingredients for self-care to build protective factors for mental health using culturally focused practices of self-care by tapping into knowledge from ancient cultures as well as innovative practices that have evolved over the years.
Little did I know that this program that I had planned to offer to others was a program that was simply designed for me, to save me. I never knew how much I would tap on to the same strategies that I have developed for others. As I now immerse myself through this Self First program – I am reminded that IT IS OK - NOT TO BE OK. Particularly in these times that we are experiencing which are clearly NOT normal times.
I don’t know how I will react to another death notice. Yes, I expect it - it is just the reality of the times we are living through. Currently I am simply focused on putting a spiritual, physical and mental armoury to give myself the best possible chance of surviving the traumatic and complex grief of Covid19 experiences. It is messy, it is complex – there are many tears, there are moments of no tears and numbness, there are moments of perpetual feelings of jetlag, exhaustion, confusion, self-doubt, zoomies-like energy – the entire gamut of human emotion.
Today on Friday 13 August - I have a day off work as a mental health day where I will be immersing myself into therapy - flotation therapy through my good friends at City Cave Australia as well as few other wellness activities I have planned for today.
Here I am to remind YOU that whatever you are feeling; whatever your ‘NORMAL’ looks like as we navigate our way through this pandemic………… IT IS OK - NOT TO BE OK. Seek help and that is also OK.
If you or someone you know need support-please call the following helplines or visit your local GP .
Lifeline Australia 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78
Multicultural Connect Line 1300 079 020
Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service 1800 512 348
1300 MH CALL (1300 64 22 55)
Translating and Interpreting Service (TIS National) -131 450
TIS National is for people who do not speak English and for agencies and businesses that need to communicate with their non-English speaking clients
About Self- Essentials – Ingredients for Self -Care
We will relaunch the Sisterhood Circle focusing on Self-Care to explore the Self- Essentials – Ingredients for Self -Care in January 2022.
If you are interested to learn more about our Self-Care and Sistahood Circle please email us at sharon@psychedsolutions.com.au
Pauline is Back– Be Afraid!
Many of us watched in shock the events that unfolded in the last few days after the federal elections when it became clear that Pauline Hanson, one of the most racist politicians (and proud of it) has been successful in her bid for a seat in the Australian Senate. All of a sudden I was reminded of the early years of my time when I first arrived in Australia a little over 17 yrs. ago and Pauline was in Parliament as an Independent for the seat of Oxley in Brisbane. Her anti-immigration and anti-multiculturalism rhetoric still echoes loudly and whereas it was predominantly targeted towards people of Asian backgrounds back then, it has now shifted to those of Muslim backgrounds as well as those others who do not fit her mould of what it is to be Australian.
You see Pauline Hanson represent a minority of Australians with far right views who feel legitimized to voice their bigotry and racist views hidden as nationalism or patriotism. Pauline Hanson, her One Nation party and the litany of her followers believe that whoever is deemed as non-Australian (whatever that means) is not welcomed here especially if you are from Muslim background or Asian background.
As an African Australian it may seem that somehow I have escaped her wrath but then again with this increasing focus of ‘everything non-white Australian is bad for Australia’, I cannot for one second feel comfortable nor exult in my seemingly narrow escape.
Pauline Hanson has form targeting anyone from a "non white, Christian Anglo-Saxon background" who has lived and thrived in this country - having arrived post the 1965 abolition of the White Australia policy. In effect, the One Nation party has decided that you are not worthy of Australia. By the way this is almost fifty percent of the Australian population born overseas or have 1 parent born overseas.
Clearly what appears to be Pauline Hanson's extreme views have big audience and following to the point that people found her worthy of a Senate seat in our highest office in the land, Parliament House of Australia in Canberra. As I sit down and scratch my afro braided hair, I wonder how did we get here? Almost a year ago I listened to an interview with Dr Tim Soutphommasane, Race Discrimination Commissioner as Australia commemorated the 40th anniversary of the Racial Discrimination Act, an occasion that celebrated and reflected on four decades of Australia’s first federal human rights and anti-discrimination legislation in combating racism and prejudice since 1975. Forward to now, as I read Pauline Hanson’s One Nations party’s policies, I am left wondering, confused and a sudden anxious feeling of ‘how did we get here’?
How come we have people in our communities, in suburbia who feel that people from migrants and refugee backgrounds are invading our suburbs and taking our jobs rather than contributing and advancing to our Australia? Are we so afraid of our cultural diversity that we have to blame "them" for everything that is not going right in this country?
Rather than chastise the seemingly hostile and negative policies of Pauline Hanson and her One Nation party, I would like to remind Pauline that Muslims have been here pre Federation. Even before the White Australia policy, people from Asian backgrounds were here working in the gold fields of the small town of Bendigo, Victoria and other places. Yes, Pauline those people who you deem to have invaded your beautiful suburban towns have lineage that probably predates your ancestry in Australia!
There is no denying that Pauline needs to be reminded that this is 2016 Australia not 1960s and we live in a global society as global citizens. In particular, for Australia we all are recent arrivals in an ancient continent be it more than 30,000 yrs of our first nations people or yesterday as our most recent arrivals, we all call Australia home. We have brought to this land immense prosperity, innovation, diverse cultures and all that contributes to the magical tapestry of our Australia. We all belong here just much as you do and now share these boundless plains we call Australia.
Finally, I would suggest that rather than the vitriol you continue spew about people from the Muslim faith, or those from Asian backgrounds or anyone else for that matter, reflect on your own journey to this land Australia. And while you are at it, I urge you to accept that halaal snack pack, and embrace it as enthusiastically as perhaps the other well-known imported cuisines namely McDonalds and KFC. I invite you to sit down and share a meal with someone at your local Chinese restaurant, am sure there is one, or come to African House in Brisbane and immerse yourself in the beats of traditional Djembe drums and Mbira as you share the simple colourful things that makes our multicultural Australia the envy of many nations around the world. The simple things that speak loudly and say we are Queenslanders, and we all belong here!
By Sharon Orapeleng
Sharon Orapeleng is a Director and Principal Consultant at Psyched Solutions. She is a social disruptive change maker, and advocate for social inclusion and social justice with passion for raising awareness on issues in relation to diversity, equality, domestic violence and mental health.